January should be a free-month trial, a time when people shopping for new year’s resolutions get to try on the new habits and promises they made to themselves. If by February First they woke up and have automatically developed a routine, then voila! You are officially not a quitter! I woke up today realizing I wasn’t a quitter, and the feeling was… there was no feeling, actually. And that’s a good thing. Personal feelings can be destructive to the creative process.
I am thankful, though, in spite of my cynicism, because I have remained focused on the WIP (Work In Progress), the story I am currently working on, an idea that had been swimming through the waters of my head for quite some time. I’ve been having some fun with it, letting the story write itself, while some unknown force tells my brain what to think and my hand what to write. Fiction writers are vessels, you see, and the only way to pen something worth sharing is by letting it flow on its own. It’s like love itself. If what you feel is real, you have to let it do its own thing. If it comes back to you… well, you know the rest.
I finished the old year productively, working on a number of items in my to-do list that needed to be out to rest before I stepped into the new year. The mission for this year is simple: Read more than last year, and (needless to say but I’ll say it anyway) write even more.
I obsessively read (and listen to) more than two books at a time, both fiction and non-fiction. I carry with me a journal and scribble down ideas that pop into my head like a bullet, suddenly and sometimes destructively. I am constantly connected to this creative side of me and, unbelievably, I also have a social life; friends are the pill I need to take in order to keep my sanity.
I am also trying to pay a little more attention to social media, even though I secretly despise it because to me ‘social’ means an entirely different thing. But anyway, fuck it, this is the world I live in and have to adapt to it. I am going to try to keep my posts and blogs infrequent and straightforward, so people have a chance not to see my face so often.
I don’t know.
It’s February 1, 2019. I have a story to write.
I guess I am done thinking out loud.