My Personal Struggle with the Times

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Up until recently, I decided to embrace social media. I always had an excuse, a reason to stay away from it. I’ve deleted Facebook three times, Twitter and Instagram twice. I was on Tumblr for some reason I will never understand, and I gave Pinterest a try one night that I was bored. The social media platforms I will never try are Snapchat and Tik Tok. Why? I really don’t see the point.

Trying to justify my Facebook abstinence, I used to tell myself, “What am I going to share?” I was such an egoist schmuck I couldn’t even share my thoughts. For Twitter, I had a similar script in my head, “You mean to tell me that I can only use a certain number of characters per tweet? What if I have more to say?” Last but not least, my reason to stay away from Instagram was how un-photogenic I am.

But I have to embrace the times.

I really feel like I belong to a different era—a time when men knew how to dress, and women gasped at the idea of divorce. A time when reading real books and newspapers was the norm, ‘gay’ used to mean ‘happy,’ and ‘queer’ used to mean…gay?

Now that I am older, I understand that my reason to rebel against certain aspects of the modern world stemmed from deeply personal dissatisfaction with myself. I’ve always had ambition, I’ve always had drive, but I was never good at fomenting self-love. Of course, that all changed after reading two books (this one and this one) written by two close friends of mine. Those two books taught me to accept myself, to accept the times.

I get it now, social media is the new god, words in the dictionary change, many marriages will never work, and going to the store in pajamas is kind of cool. I am so down with the new way of life that I even text with emojis sometimes.

I have changed. I have fought against my own ideas and beliefs, I have shaped the curve of my destiny toward a more accepting path. Yes, I keep writing horror (and maybe that’s why I was so fucked up in the first place), but I am opting for a more mature style. I guess growing up is a good thing.

I will continue my journey in this new and scintillating world. I have a feeling everything is going to be alright.

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